As I sit here, reflecting on the physical and emotional changes my body has undergone in the past few months, I find myself venting to my incredible coach, Diana Sabreen, from The Big Dream. She pointed out a crucial truth: there are hardly any spaces for women to digest, integrate, and slow down while going through perimenopause and menopause. It's vital to bring awareness and create these spaces for us. Perimenopause and menopause are no joke, and yet, there is no honor given to this profound and sacred time in our lives.
I desperately need a space like this. WE, as women, desperately need a space like this. To navigate this transformation. This emotional, physical, and mental rollercoaster of perimenopause and menopause.
IT'S A LOT TO BEAR AND PROCESS. And the world doesn't slow down for us. We need a space to balance out our state of BEING through the changes, and our state of DOING. So that we can find our center. Do you follow what I'm saying? Even if you’re not feeling exactly the same as I do, if you're going through these body readaptation processes, you probably know what I'm talking about.
Since my late 30's, my body has undergone significant changes. But especially since November last year, I’ve experienced a dramatic weight gain, leading to unexpected “muffin tops” and rolls in areas that were previously lean, despite improving my eating habits and exercising more. My sacred bleeding is diminishing and changing, my cycle is so weird now, and I look different too. For someone who works through body dysmorphia daily and past eating disorders, like myself, this transformation has been challenging to accept. Feeling heavier physically and emotionally and witnessing such visible changes has been difficult, even with my knowledge and experience as a body & spiritual empowerment coach. It feels like my entire essence is transforming into something unfamiliar. I'm becoming someone else, and I don't know this person yet.
As I embrace these challenges as best as I can, I must acknowledge that this time, with holistic tools and a few more certifications under my belt, navigating this period of transition and metamorphosis has been less overwhelming. However, it remains a transformation I have little to no space to navigate within, and that makes it more challenging. What Diana brought up in our session this morning made so much sense and made it all so clear. She suggested I create this space myself and offer it to others. A space for women going through perimenopause and menopause, to vent and process and support each other, and it hit me like a full body "YESSSS!!! This is it!! I need/want to do this!!" While also, I kept seeing 444 (which to me means a yes and all is well from my Spirit team!)
During this journey, Spirit has been slowing me down, pushing me into complete surrender, and this has been triggering my old anxiety of feeling "non-financially-productive" when my 3D reality demands income. I think that being inherently worthy of receiving without guilt or shame is one of the big lessons I came here to learn. Spirit keeps saying that instead of being focused on "making money", I need to tend to my daily chores, my body needs, and the everyday little things that bring me a sense of accomplishment. To do my journaling, to drink water, to nourish my body and to create where and when my heart wants to. To trust that my family and I are provided for through this slowdown, so I can process all I’m going through, while feeling worthy of it even if I'm not bringing in constant financial income. So, I've decided to stop pushing, get my head out of the "needing to make money," and drop into my heart. To once more redefine success and worthiness. To step into the flow and creativity of the feminine I'm being literally forced into, by life, God, Universe, Source. My Masculine is so tired of pushing, so I'm giving him rest.
The last time I went through big changes and transformations similar to these was about 8 years ago, and I turned to photography as a means of self-exploration and self-healing. Although initially uncomfortable, it allowed me to see beyond my physical form, rediscover myself, and eventually appreciate my body externally as well. Photography helped me re-learn and appreciate my-new-self back then and since then many times after. But over the years and doing this for others, somewhere along the way I lost myself once more, I stopped doing self portraits, and I lost my why. Why I do everything I do. I stopped embodying what I was teaching and doing for others.
Over this past weekend, my dear friend Meagan Lamontine of @darkdreamerphotography offered mini photo shoots for free, which I jumped into without hesitation, however really feeling anxious and fearful of doing it. And I am SO GLAD I did!! I needed a gentle push to reconnect with myself and see my true essence reflected back at me once more, like I did all those years ago, especially since self-portraiture became a more a daunting task with my body changes. This time, being in front of someone else's lense instead of my own, felt like what was needed. An objective perspective without the judgement I was drowning in.
It's funny how what we least want is often what we most need. In this case, putting myself in front of the camera when feeling uncomfortable in my body and being, when least wanting to be seen, is what I most needed. Just like eight years ago. I started photographing and empowering women so they could feel the same self-empowerment and healing through putting themselves in front of the lens, even when feeling fear of doing so (perhaps even more so!), for fear of seeing themselves. I needed something to help me come back to this embodiment of acceptance through compassion, love, and safe space held for me. It reminded me why I do what I do and why I love it so much.
Being in the presence of such beautiful energy that made me feel secure, capturing my authentic self without focusing on appearance but rather on expressing my inner joy and soul, allowed me to exist in my vessel as it is—goofy, sensual, relaxed, present... in flow. It was a much-needed experience for my soul.
I highly recommend getting in front of the lens, ESPECIALLY when you are going through changes, feeling uncomfortable, or not wanting to see yourself. It is truly empowering and self-healing! However, I do recommend you make sure you do it with someone you trust and feel comfortable with <3
To that end, if you're vibing with me and with this, you are going through perimenopause or menopause, or big transitions, and are craving a safe space for self-expression and processing your journey, check out my Masterpiece Portraits. I am also hosting a FREE circle for five women going through perimenopause/menopause changes, to support each other, vent, and give gratitude as well! <3 You can email me for full information and to participate at info@luminusbycb.com
My heartfelt gratitude to @darkdreamerphotography (IG) for providing such a meaningful space for me during this crucial time in my life (without even knowing it!). Special thanks to @phoenixrising1031 (IG) and @elyearose (IG) for being beacons of light and offering genuine and safe energy for me to express my authentic self. Thank you also for allowing me to photograph you all; it was very needed for my soul too!! You are all so beautiful, inside and out <3
· Models:
Lia Rose, Meagan Lamontine & Shelby Lee Lien
· Creative set by Meagan Lamontine (Dark Dreamer Photography)
· All photos by Camila Bruce Photography of Luminous by CB
I will share the photos Meagan took of me in my next post! Stay tuned!
#wearefractalsreflectingeachother #healingphotography #selfportraits #beingphotographed #selfempowerment #healingthroughart #soulexpression #menopause #perimenopause
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